Winora's Hope Counseling: Gurnee Mental Health Service

In today’s world, divorce and remarriage are common occurrences, often marking the end of what was once a significant and happy chapter in a couple’s life. These relationships can be shattered by various factors, including infidelity, work obsessions, addictions, or marrying too young, leading couples to call it quits.

While divorce is a stressful event, it can also create short-term stressors that lead to long-term clinical symptoms, affecting both adults and children. The lingering effects can be particularly critical for children caught in the middle, as broken parents can inadvertently impact their well-being. Divorce, remarriage, and marital discord can elevate the risk of behavioral, emotional, social, and academic challenges for children.

Navigating these emotions and difficulties doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. Engaging a therapist can be therapeutic for each family member and the family as a whole. Understanding the complications that arise with divorce and remarriage is essential. Therapy offers various approaches to help children and parents navigate separation, divorce, and remarriage effectively.

Learning to communicate effectively, co-parent, and navigate adjustments and changes can be emotionally taxing. Co-parenting plays a vital role in preserving the non-residential parent’s involvement in childrearing after a breakup and has proven beneficial for children of divorced parents in their adjustment process (Adamsons & Pasley, 2006; Bergström et al., 2021; Lamela et al., 2016; Rejaän et al., 2021a, 2021b).

As individuals move forward, they may choose to date or remarry, hoping for a better outcome in their next marriage. Approximately 65% of remarriages lead to the creation of stepfamilies (Zeleznikow & Zeleznikow, 2015). However, navigating new relationships and maintaining a balanced, healthy relationship with an ex-partner for co-parenting purposes can be challenging. Parents may struggle with integrating new spouses and children, requiring guidance and resources to establish and maintain healthy boundaries for a healthy family dynamic. Despite the complexities, blended families can thrive and be beautiful.

Family systems therapy can be highly beneficial in helping families resolve their problems by addressing familial patterns, building effective communication, and establishing healthy boundaries. This approach recognizes the family’s crucial role in emotional and physical well-being throughout life. Interventions aimed at encouraging behavior change in children often focus on the parent-child unit. Learning effective communication, working through difficulties, and establishing healthy boundaries are vital aspects of a healthy family system. Even though divorce and remarriage can introduce complications, a collaborative family approach remains attainable for all members. Effective communication, understanding of conflicts, and teamwork are imperative for a healthy, functioning family system.

Here are a few important tips to consider when co-parenting:

* Allow children to love both parents and see each of them as much as possible, being flexible with schedules when necessary.

* Recognize that children have two homes, not just one.

* Allow children to take items to their other home, as long as they can transport them back and forth.

* Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent.

* Let children be children, leaving the adult responsibilities to the adults.

These guidelines can assist parents in providing a loving, healthy environment for their children to thrive and minimize conflict.

If you’re interested in learning more about family therapy, navigating divorce, or blending families, and are considering counseling for yourself and your children, please feel free to reach out. We can discuss whether family systems therapy is the right fit for your family.

References 

Adamsons K, Pasley K. Coparenting following divorce and relationship dissolution. In: Fine MA, Harvey JH, editors. Handbook of divorce and relationship dissolution. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers; 2006. pp. 241–261.

Bergström M, Salari R, Hjern A, Hognäs R, Bergqvist K, Fransson E. Importance of living arrangements and co-parenting quality for young children’s mental health after parental divorce: A cross-sectional parental survey. BMJ Paediatrics Open. 2021;5(1):e000657. doi: 10.1136/bmjpo-2020-000657.

Lamela D, Figueiredo B, Bastos A, Feinberg M. Typologies of post-divorce co-parenting and parental well-being, parenting quality, and children’s psychological adjustment. Child Psychiatry & Human Development. 2016;47:716–728. doi: 10.1007/s10578-015-0604-5. 

Rejaän Z, van der Valk IE, Branje S. Postdivorce co-parenting patterns and relations with adolescent adjustment. Journal of Family Issues. 2021 doi: 10.1177/0192513X211030027. 

Rejaän Z, van der Valk IE, Schrama WM, van Aalst I, Chen A, de Boer CGJ, Branje S. Adolescents’ post-divorce sense of belonging. European Psychologist. 2021 doi: 10.1027/1016-9040/a000444.

Zeleznikow, L., & Zeleznikow, J. (2015). Supporting blended families to remain intact: A case study. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 56(4), 317–335. https://doi-org.ezproxy.liberty.edu/10.1080/10502556.2015.1025845